Have you ever just mourned something so profound, it makes your heart & soul hurt for what could have been??... Speaking for myself, I have many times (too many to reminisce, nor would I want too!)… But this last one has really thrown me for loop. I have recently been re-evaluating our diet and health as a family. And I can honestly say, I could easily believe we are the average Americans household. Eating a home cooked meal 5 times a week with a couple of fast food options during our 7 day week due to scheduling difficulties/ obligations…. No biggy right??.... and I have always promoted the best nutritional/ benefits caloric intake over the best taste option for my family for as long as I could remember, during those outings… but, recently I feel like my ignorance has completely, close-lined me. I’m talking; “are you F@cking serious?”, “Shit.”, “that can’t be right, Right??”, and… “Wow, I’m such a dumb.ass!”kind of slap in the face, wrong. I really always thought that I was on the right health path.
See… when you wake up at 23 with a husband, 2 baby boys, your own home and you’re been hit across the head with the ugly Autism stick against your youngest baby boy… all you can do is live in a perpetual state of survival mode. It’s a much known fact within my private circle that I didn’t sleep for over a month after his diagnosis (truth)… And you do so… with no questions asked, because hurt like that for your children motivates you to an entire different place of existence in this life. You learn about the crazy world of sensory integration, occupational therapy, speech and language therapy, environmental doctors, naturopathic doctors, Floor Time therapy and home based Applied Behavioral Analysis, mineral & vitamin supplements, and certainly diet.
And then after several years of due diligence and dedication… you see a change. A real turning point, one where you can once again engage your child on a mutual level. Where he sees you as much as you’ve... always seen him. An awaken… of sorts, if you will. And all seems right, if only for your small sacred family. And a few years go by like this in your land. The land where the trials, don’t amount to IV’s and chelation to detoxify heavy metals… but, where passing on a class field trip involving water or choosing to not push a vacation from 4 days to 7, in fear of your son’s reaction are the most pressing issues. Fucking gravy, these years and I am so thankful for every damn day of them. They all become a bit more quite and calm; but, they makes me curious about what else is in my world.
So… I start digging around, and end up opening a whole new can of worms (pandora's box, to me.). And it hurt. After watching Food Inc, Knives Over Forks, and Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead too… plus ordering a shit ton of new books to research and learn from… I just cried. Cried, until I was a hiccuping mess and regretful that while I was battling one monster, I was feeding another. I’m pretty sure this family has just started falling into that damn rabbit hole again. One where you only hope to reach the ground on your feet. it is true that I’m not one to judge another… especially for how they choose to live there life, but if I had one, singular, "issue"… it would honestly be; that if you know the right way and choose to do less (because it’s easier), then how do you ever expect the world to evolve into something greater than it is today for… you or yours??? I have to make a change. And it won’t be easy, but it will be right. Please, don't misunderstand either... i love and am grateful for the chance to keep learning every secret to becoming a great mother and wife, even if it humbles me personally in the process. i just want mine to always be healthy.
If any of you care to watch these documentaries and would like to take this ride with me… Id’ love to have ya! Xoxoxo
ps... i'll pick the Auiril winner on Sunday ( maybe even two ), however... i just think think this is more important for today.