Friday, March 16, 2012

spoiled rotten!

yesterday i received the MOST bitchin pillow ever from my dear friend Penny!! the Pillow Talk Swap, never disappoints!! having absolutely no crochet skills, she treated me to gift that i really couldn't have made myself!! i am in lOVE!!!

and then to top off her badass pillow... she made me fabulous patchwork coasters too! i can't even believe my luck!!...

let's just keep it real... Penny's the shit. period!

but, this did get me thinking after being so spoiled rotten by her, i should spoil one of you guys too!   ;D  I just received Laurie Wisbrun's upcoming line Perfectly Perched by Robert Kaufman and i'd like to share!

I'm giving away an entire FQ set of this new line that should be released late spring/ early summer!! wanna win?? Okay, to enter... make me laugh!! leave a comment that makes me giggle the most and i'll choose YOU!

I'll choose a winner Monday Morning!! Have a fabulous weekend my friends!!
x, Heather


  1. For a Marketing project in High School I made my own company - Joe's Crackless Plumbing - Our slogan "You See Crack and Your Money Back"!
    I got an A :)

    Thanks for a giveaway!

  2. I got one :

    HUSBAND: Shall we try a different position tonight?
    WIFE: That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart.


    It works with the under 8 kids all the time ( mostly my three boys)so I thought I would try ;o)

    Awesome pillow and beautiful fabric! Thanks for the giveaway!

  4. True story from this morning.

    My son Erik just came downstairs half-naked. We had the following conversation...

    Me: Erik James, where are your gitch?!
    Erik: Umm, they accidentally just dispeerded off me!
    (reaches down and grabs his crotch with a look of panic on his face)
    Erik: Oh phewf (big sigh of relief). My penis is still hewe!

    Uhh, okay dokey.

  5. As told to me by my teen-aged daughter:

    Q: How do you get an elephant out of the subway?

    A: Take the f out of way.

    Wait for it......

    There's no f in way.

  6. The other morning while getting the kids off to school, my 7 year old wasn't listening to me. I got a bit irritated and said "Get your damn lunch box!" My 9 year old repeated what I said, " Yeah Sage, get your damn lunch box!" I had to pause for a second and then couldn't help but to laugh at the whole thing. I don't normally swear in front of my kids :) Of course we had a talk about how I shouldn't have said that and neither do they. But I could not stop laughing, it was the most hilarious thing to hear the word damn come out of my 9 year olds mouth. While this was all happening, my husband was in the shower, and I had to go in there and tell him, it took me a minute to stop laughing before I could explain it to him :)

    Thanks for the giveaway!

  7. We were on a family roadtrip at Christmas and I took both the boys, 4 and 2, into the ladies' room of a gas station with me. It was a weird bathroom - no stalls so essentially a one-seater, but with two toilets separated by a half wall.

    The 4-year-old and I each sat down on a toilet, and the 2-year-old (these are both boys, remember) SCREAMS, because that's his only volume, "Mommy! Do NOT go potty! YOU HAVE A PENIS!!!!" I heard lots of giggling coming from outside the door.

    I whispered, "Sam! Shhhh, I don't have a penis! I'm a girl!" Then he squatted down in front of my toilet and tilted his head to the side to get a better look at what I have, if not a penis. The gigglers turned out to be 2 teenage girls waiting for the bathroom when we came out. For the next several days Sam practically chanted, "Mommy has a penis! Mommy's not a boy!"

    For the record, I don't have a penis.

  8. I'd like to share a link to a wonderful tute by the very talented Danny at
    The fabric baby book is called 'The Farmer's Wife's Field Guide to Animal By-Products'. It's very cute and tff! Lift the flap and the horse becomes - glue! The pig - bacon!
    It's definitely my blog highlight of the week - unless I win this fabric of course ;) Thanks for the chance!

  9. Our neighbor is from Louisiana. We live in Indiana. Our neighbor said in Louisiana its common practice down ther to run your septic tank liquid through your sprinklers and it makes the grass grow green and like crazy. When my husband told me this, I was like, ewwwe gross. Then I said "well, I guess it's like human fertilizer". Then, my son said"turdilizer?". I know, gross, but I laughed my ass off. True story

  10. For St. Patrick's day,

    Why should you never iron a 4-leaf clover? You don't want to press your luck.

    thanks for the giveaway

  11. One morning when my daughter was about 18 months old she was eating breakfast. She always had oatmeal. I'm across the kitchen, packing up to go, and I hear "All done. Hat." Guess what the hat was? The oatmeal bowl. (I left the cleanup for her babysitter, in case you're wondering.)

  12. giggle eh? hmmm... well i can tell you a joke...

    passengers are boarding a plane bound for Houston. A beautiful blonde woman hunkers herself down in the first class seats, however her ticket is for coach.

    stewardess: excuse me miss, but I do believe that your seat is in economy class. This is first class.

    Blonde: I'm blonde and I'm beautiful and I'm fly first class to Houston.

    Dazed, the stewardess goes to the front of the plane to discuss it with the pilots. The co-pilot says he'll have a go at it.

    Co-Pilot: Excuse me miss but I do believe you are in the wrong seat.

    Blonde: No. I'm blonde and I'm beautiful and I'm flying first class to Houston!

    Bewildered, he heads back to the cabin... Upon his return and explanation, the head Pilot smiles and says he'll handle it. The Co-pilot and stewards look on...

    The Pilot approaches the woman, bends down, whispers in her ear. She immediately stands up, gathers her belongings and heads back to her ticketed seat.

    Pleased with himself the Pilot enters the cabin with a smile. Agog the others ask what he said to make her move...

    Pilot: I simply told her that first class wasn't flying to Houston.

  13. Well, I vacuumed the house this morning in a tee shirt and underwear with dye in my hair and a mud mask facial that mental image? True story I'm sorry to say. Hey, a girl's gotta get it done. Anyway, thanks for the give away chance. Your generosity is much appreciated.

  14. Thanks for the great giveaway! Here's an oldie but goodie:

    "What did the Buddhist monk say to the hotdog vendor? 'Make me one with everything.'"

  15. When I asked my grandson how old he thought I was he said "102"? Little shit, I'm 59!

  16. My Aunt told my son, "I'm going to pinch your bottom!" and he said, "Who's Bob?"
    thanks for the giveaway of beautiful fabric.

  17. wow that is some great loot! you're blessed. not sure if I can top these stories so far but I will try because that fabric is sweet!

    The funniest thing that's happened lately is my sister trying to potty train her son who is a few months shy of his 4th birthday! She tried it all and was about to just give up! One day she knew he had a stinky diaper and refused to change it, she said no, you do it. Then, he proceeded to come up to her and stroke her face and say, "mommy, you're sooo pretty" will you please change my diaper?" then she said no again (mean, huh?) Then, he walked up to his dad and said, "hey dad, you're my best friend!...will you change my diaper?" and he gave in with the sweet words.

    Finally, for Christmas Joey and his big sister got a Wii which they LOVED to play every day (Joey calls it the WEED-ha)! Well, the light bulb went off in my sister's head and she told him, "that's it no more Wii until you potty in the big toilet" and he could not take it more than 2 days! The Wii (WEED) potty trained my nephew!


  18. so this guy walks into the psychiatrists office & the psychiatrist says "I can clearly see your nuts!!!!" lol
    It gets me every time!!

  19. There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

    Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

    "No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

    "I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."


  20. We have a dog that is addicted to fabric. When I come home from the fabric store she whines and follows me around until I lay my new fabric on the couch or floor. Then she smells it and rolls around in it for a good five minutes. Then I can put it in the sewing room. She's the same way when I make a new quilt. I recently put a new one on my bed. I put an old store bought quilt on top of it to keep her off it. When I take the old quilt off to go to bed she runs right over there and lays on it before I can yell at her lol.

  21. This actually happened last night, I swear! So it's been a really balmy March here in Toronto, Canada, the temperature has been consistently in the high teens (that's mid 60's in Fahrenheit), which is really warm for March, we usually get snow still. So yes, it's been warm, no snow whatsoever on the ground. Last night I half woke up in the middle of the night, and heard this loud noise, I thought it was our neighbour shoveling snow outside. So I started to freak out silently in my head, which caused me to wake up a little more to realize that it was only my dear husband snoring next to me. I promptly went back to sleep content because I don't have to worry about shoveling snow the next day before I go to work! True story, lol!!

  22. Haha, love all the stories.

    Lately I have been spending a lot of time with my nephews, 6 and 2. They keep me on my toes.
    The other morning I was woken up by the 2 year old. Somehow he got out of his room.
    Me: Chris, how did you get out of your room.
    Chris: I climb my books.
    Me: What?!? How did you get over the gate after you climbed your books?
    Chris: I fall on my face (giggling the entire time)
    And then I see he has the baby monitor in his hand that he stole off the night stand so I couldn't hear him not in his room.
    The little stinker.

  23. A few years back, we lived in the country on a farm, with all the usual farm animals. On this particular day we were hosting a family get together and our oldest daughter who was 5 at the time wanted to show all the cousins how grown up she was by gathering the eggs. So off she went with her little basket. Shortly thereafter she came up to the house crying with a little blood spot on her cheek. I bent down and cuddled her in my arms and asked "What happened?" She said "The chicken pecked me!" I then said "Well how did the chicken peck you?" thinking she must have collected from a hen on a nest and not the vacant ones like she had been taught. She said with tear streaked cheeks "With his PECKER!" Well everyone in the kitchen was turning away from us and laughing it was hard for me to keep a straight face and continue to comfort her! XD

  24. What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhinoceros?


    Sorry, no penis jokes. :) My big boy is long gone and I have three girls after him. :D

  25. Why did the chicken cross the playground?

    To get to the other slide!

    Thanks for making me giggle with all the comments you have already.

    That pillow is absolutely beautiful. All those pictures make me sigh with happiness. Thanks. :D

  26. Thanks for the giveaway AND for asking people to post something funny. What a way to brighten a dreary rainy day.

    We had overnight company many years ago, long time friends. Their son, middle school age, who was a picky eater was asking what we were having for dinner. I was going down the list when he stopped me at potatoes and asked "mashed or baked?". I guess I wasn't listening very closely and all I could say was WHAT DID YOU SAY? You try saying mashed or baked quickly and see what you think....Don't know if I ever told the boys what I thought he said. They are both 37 now.

  27. Uncle Ben has died. No more Mr Rice Guy!

  28. What's a skunk's favorite sandwich?

    Peanut Butter and Smelly!

    Courtesy of my 2 year old.

    Thanks for the chance to win the fabric although I wish you were giving away the's gorgeous!

  29. I can't top a single one of these and I am trying not to laugh out loud cause I am reading this at work :)The true ones are the best!

  30. One of my favorites:

    So freakin' true!

  31. Ok, my story isn't really that funny. You have some great comments left here! Today, the school bus pulled up and the driver was dressed up with a green feather boa, shamrock earring and a hat with a leprechaun on it. I think it was more cute than funny, but that's the best I have today.

  32. What did the father buffalo say to his eldest boy as he headed out the door?


    no? Ah, well, we cracked up over it at work today. Must have been the 8 hours of soul leaving us that made us loopy :)

  33. Accompanied my daughter on a school field trip to the County Fair one summer. When we left the Fair, I started asking the kids I had along with me what they liked best about the Fair.
    One little boy piped up and said, "I loved the ferris made my penis go up and down."

  34. One of my most embarrassing moments. I wore a long knit skirt to teach in. I worked at my desk during a prep period. Unbeknownst to me, I had wheeled over the skirt. When I stood up (only moments before the kids came in), I pantsed myself. Luckily, I had nice undies on and my co teacher was the only one in the room. I stood, momentarily frozen, until she said, "Well, I didn't expect to see that today." I fell on the floor laughing and untangled myself moments before the kids came in. I was still laughing when they did. I don't wear that skirt to work any more.

  35. How about a limerick?

    There once was a quilter who did not.
    She read, and she blogged, and she was hot!
    One day she decided
    to not be derided,
    and so she then quilted a lot!

  36. There's no way I could outdo the comments already made, but...

    Recently my sweet 3-year-old son was kneeling on my chest as I laid on my bed, making his "mean face" (among many others), and I started laughing really hard. He said in a low, gravelly, threatening voice voice: "Don't laugh! Cry!!" And I did. I laughed until I cried. It was priceless.

  37. Garrett is my 7 year old nephew and he stayed with us for a few days last summer. We were getting ready to go to the museum when we had this convo:

    Me: You ready Freddy?
    Garrett: (serious as a 7 year old can be) I'm not Freddy I'm Garrett

    I just smiled

  38. I was just telling this story today at lunch, so it's fresh on my mind!

    My great aunt and uncle had just moved to a retirement community in Florida and a bunch of us were down to see the new place. My great uncle and I headed out in his GIANT caddy to drive around and check things out. My cousin was in the back seat. We cruised around the community and he asked if we wanted to see the golf course, I said sure! The next thing I know, he has turned onto the cart path and we are careening through the golf course in a car!! He's driving along the path (which is about half the width of the car:) Then he is crossing greens and we barely missed a sand trap. The best part was that while my cousin and I were barely containing our giggles, not one of the golfers on the course even gave us a second glance. Kind of makes me think that we were not the first!

  39. I'm a teacher and was teaching first grade when I was pregnant with my son. I got a lot of 6-year-old questions that I gently deflected about how the baby comes out, how the baby got in, etc. One day when a group of students were asking about the baby coming out, etc. I let them talk amongst themselves for a while. Talk turned to how we would know if the baby was a boy or girl and a little boy said, "I know that! If it's a girl, it will have a ponytail!" ;) starfishlover615 at hotmail dot com

  40. When my son was little maybe 3 or 4 he was taking a bath and looked up and out of the blue said " I want boobies on my penis" I couldn't believe it starts so young!

    Love the pillow! Thanks for sharing the love with your giveaway.

  41. I can't top these but they sure made me laugh! Last year we were on a road trip with my daughter and 3 yr old granddaughter. After a stop for lunch we were trying to get Annika to take a nap, she was just not having it so her Mama said we were all going to nap ('cept Poppy who was driving) and there would be no talking. Annika starting singing "Help, I need somebody, Help I need somebody, Help I need the Wonder Pets" in that singsongy off key way of toddlers. I was trying not to laugh and snorting so hard I had to but my head between my knees...mostly to escape the glare of my daughter! Thanks for the fun giveaway!

  42. Ah, these made my day! My middle daughter (many years ago, she's a moody teen now) and I were having a lovely cuddle. She put her chubby little hands on my face, looked into my eyes, and said, "Mama, you are beautiful on the inside!"

    Thanks for the great giveaway, but thanks mostly for the giggles!

  43. A couple of years ago, we were driving along with our two boys - then about 2 and 4. Mr 4 spots a spider and says 'there's a spider! Don't touch it, it'll f*&%ing hurt you!' We almost wet ourselves in the front seat, all the while trying to tell him off.

  44. How do you keep a blonde entertained for hours?
    write "please turn over" on both sides. Thanks!!!

  45. We live in a small, small community. Our local grocery store installed automatic doors (which I was unaware of) and as I was chatting to my teenage daughter entering the store, leaning forwards to push the door open, it opened automatically and I did a hilarious tripping, trying to catch myself from falling motion... all the while laughing with my daughter busting out laughing... gosh it was funnnneeeee!

  46. These are too funny! In college, my roommate and I didn't know how to cook at all. One might we had a boy over, hungrily going through our cabinets. He pulled out a box of brownies. "oh, we can't make those," I said. "our oven is broken." He looked at me strangely and told me to tell him why I thought it was broken. "well, we were going to make those brownies one night. We preheated the oven when all of a sudden we heard a loud POP and the oven light went out. We turned it off but keep forgetting to tell our landlord." Our friend got a shocked look on his face and asked "doesn't that mean its done preheating?"

    Oops! We made the brownies that night and our oven was fine!

  47. Ok I have another one. AnotherTrue story

    my son: grandma, what did you do to your hair?

    mother-in law: I dyed it

    my son:Why?

    mother-in law: To make me look younger.

    *my son ponders this idea*

    Next, my son says: Well,what are you gonna do about your face?

  48. Love the new pillow. The great thing about it is that if you get bored of it, you can deconstruct it into a bra or pasties...depending upon the size of your boobies.

  49. Loved reading through all the comments! Such fun!

    When I was 20 I went to work on a research farm in Ireland for the summer. My first day of work involved me helping with the morning milking and moving cows from one pasture to the next. After trudging through dewy grass and a small rain shower all morning long, I stopped by the break room while 15 or so Irish and Scottish men were taking their mid morning tea break. I asked if someone could give me a ride back to my house because my pants were all wet. ....*silence*.... filled the room. Then they busted up laughing with some of the older men picking up the younger men throwing them in my direction. I very quickly learned that American English is quite different from English English and pants means underwear and a ride means, well, not the ride I was looking for. :P I learned to ask for a "lift" after that. Quite the first impression I made!

  50. i was told this joke by a four year old. seriously. but it's funny. you *have* to say it out loud.

    knock knock.
    who's there?
    i smell mop.
    i smell mop who?

    AHAHAHHAHAH! seriously. it's one of my favorite jokes!

  51. So I'm sitting in my comfy pretty green corduroy chair(did I tell you its round). Surrounded by loverly swap pillows and typing away on my blog. (Oh yeah my feet were happily propped on my overstuffed AB blue on green dotted foot stool). When out of no where a yellow eye peered around my laptop screen and I JUMPED and YELPED. It was only Kalli-cat sneaking up on me. She ran away as she is part scaredy cat. So I continued typing and a little while later something soft and furry brushed my feet and I jumped again this time dumping the computer onto the floor. Sigh. Why cant she just meow and jump on my lap like a normal kitty?

  52. Wow, don't know that I can top these stories! They are great! But I'll try...

    When my nephew was little (5 or 6) he was at my dad's house for the weekend. My dad was in a bad mood and was really grouchy. Mt step-mom said something that set him off, and when he got done with his little "rant" my nephew looked at his grandma and said "That's okay Grandma, he'll get over it and die of something else." My dad looked at him and busted out laughing, getting rid of his "mood" all together. We couldn't believe he thought that up himself, but his mom swears she never said it around him. Now every time my dad gets cranky, we say that! :) Makes us giggle every time!

    Thanks for the chance to win!
    Sandy A

  53. thanks for te giveaway, and all the laughs from reading everyones' comments!

    when my brother & I were growing up, our porch had a white tile ceiling. One spring, the roof leaked and the tiles got that yellow/brown staining from the water. when my brother's friend came over for a visit, he took one look at the ceiling and asked 'who pissed on your ceiling?' my Mother ws laughing so hard she had to run to the next room to try and hide the giggles :)

  54. I'm not sure if this is gonna make you laugh but every time me and my BFF bring it up, we are always in stitches...
    So me and my BFF were leaving to go somewhere and she left something upstairs in the house. We are in the driveway and as she is leaning from the outside of the car door in to honk the horn, she shuts the door on her arm (ever so gently BUT STILL) we are laughing hysterically as her father opens the curtains from the window that looks down on us. As he opens the window, his glasses get suck on the lace curtains....(even as I'm writing I'm so giggling, what a dork I am!!) So we are laughing at both her and her Dad and he's getting upset cuz he can't get his glasses out of the lace....even if you don't laugh, thanks for letting me get a chuckle in!!

  55. My neighbor's 6 year old son watched my husband getting into my car, driving away and then promptly asked his mom-"Is Loreto allowed to drive Sandra's car?"
    SOO cute!

  56. When my boys were little, we were in the car when the 4 year old announced to the 5 year old, "GRIFFIN." Griffin looks up expectantly. "A Ba-gina is a Bottom With Hair." Griffin said, "Yep." Drew nodded proudly. I tried to stay on the road.

    Love that fabric!

  57. Well, this article made me laugh til I cried

    Who knew Jar Jar Binks was a pervert? I just thought he was annoying!

  58. I got a giggle out of this a few days ago. The e-mail subject said:
    Check your shampoo bottle's label.

    I don't know WHY I didn't figure this out sooner.
    It's the shampoo I use in the shower!
    When I wash my hair, the shampoo runs down my whole body
    and (duh!) printed very clearly on the shampoo label is this warning:

    No wonder I have been gaining weight!
    Well! I have gotten rid of that shampoo and I am going to start using Dawn dish soap instead.

    Their label reads,


    Problem Solved.

  59. While eating at burger king one day with my family my son that is 5 said out of the blue. " so I guess there's no karate." we looked around puzzled and then saw a no slip sign with the outline guy that looks like it's falling. We started busting up laughing since he couldn't read at the time and could only guess by the picture he thought karate was forbidden. Thanks for having such a fun subject to talk about!

  60. A little while ago my (then 4yo) son came wandering in and asked me if I knew he had balls in his body. I replied, yes...
    Cole: how long have you known?
    Me: oh, since you were born - I've seen them every day.
    Cole: but why are they balls?
    Me: well, they have all different nicknames - balls, nuts, gonads; we happen to call them testicles...
    Cole (looking down at his feet): oh...[my teacher] said they were called ankle bones.

    Mwahahaha...the curse of TMI strikes again! Listen *then* talk Jo, listen *then* talk!!!

  61. I could not top the funnies you already have, but I'll tell you one about my DD.
    She was 2 1/2 and we moved to Florida. We all went into the pool while DD stood on the spa seat. The rest of us were just playing in the water when DD says "NO splashing!" so I tell her that when you swim there is some splashing. She says " NO swimming". So we all start laughing and she says "NO laughing". I try, in between laughing to tell her that we are just having fun. Yep ,She says " NO having fun".
    We still tease her about that.

  62. Since its St. Patty's day...

    What's Irish and stays out all night?

    Patty O'Furniture

  63. i had baby #3 6 weeks ago. he ALWAYS wants to eat, so i'm nursing him alot these days, which means there's alot of talk about boobs with my daughters (ages 4 & 2). my oldest was telling me about something she saw on TV about pigs. she said, "mama, i saw these little baby pigs eating from their mama. and mama, guess what? the mama pig had SIX BOOBS!!!"

  64. Rad pillows and on to another question! Your rug! It looks like one I've been wanting to purchase. Is your sewing room (or whatever room it's in) featured anywhere? I'd love to know/see more!

  65. When my son was in preschool the teacher asked “What is your special time with mommy?” The answers were to be printed in the newsletter.

    When the letter was sent home, most of the kids said: reading me a story, baking cookies, going to the playground, etc.

    Then I reached my son’s response, “My mom takes me to the dump”

    Oh, yes, what a fun mommy.

    Of course he left out the part that the dump has an awesome recycyle room where we would find ’treasures’ together each week; toys, books, electronics, etc.

    Loving all the stories and great giveaway!!!

  66. I wish I could post an audio clip...
    I have an app of a cat that repeats whatever you say in a hilarious voice. I'm giggling just thinking about it LOL.

    Yesterday I got a huge laugh while sitting at a red light. A guy sitting in an SUV was playing the "air" drums like there was no tomorrow. Some people forget when they are in public :-)


  67. Since today is St. Patrick's day, and we have a redish dog, my 6 year old son thinks it appropriate to kiss the dog every time he sees mouthed, of course!

  68. Thanks for these laughs and for the giveaway!

    I don't know any English jokes, but this is very cute to me:

  69. When he was two, my son had a fascination with clocks. He would look for clocks and announce his finds everywhere we went.
    Wall clocks, wrist watches you name it, if it showed the time he would point at it (or in the general direction of the person wearing it) and shout as loud as he could 'CLOCK! CLOCK! Mama a CLOCK!'
    He would even describe the clock, 'Big Clock' 'Small Clock' ' Red Clock' 'Brown clock'

    Pretty cute... except when you haven't yet mastered the pronouncation of the letter 'L'

    This red faced Mama has quickly escorted her accidentally obscene two year old from the glares of angry watch wearers and the horrified general public on more than one occasion.

  70. One day when I was back in my small hometown, I was waiting to make a left hand turn. One Jeep came from the other direction. Then another and another (I don't know if they do Jeep get togethers or what). I said, "Jeepers!" to myself since I was alone. I cracked myself up!

  71. My husband and I were out to eat at a restaurant. he is english as a second language and hadn't been in canada for too long. Anyways, the waiter came over to ask for our drink order. I ordered water and my husband asked for, "cock, a large one" while gesturing with his hand that it should be big. the waiter was very embarrassed and said, "what?" my husband emphatically said, "a large cock, please." i think that the waiter realized that he was asking for a coke because he walked away. this story always makes me laugh!

  72. We love AFV in our house and this is my favorite video - it always gives me a good giggle!! Thanks for the chance!

  73. great giveaway - someone is very lucky. I'm not funny but I've enjoyed reading all the comments!

  74. When I was pregnant around Christmas time, my 3 year old wanted to know how I was gonna get the baby out. We thought we were being responsible by teaching her the correct terms. Until...and I bet you know where I am going with this...we were in CHURCH. She asks in her one volume (loud!) voice, "Mommy, did Jesus come out of Mary's Vagina?"
    And then I died of embarrassment.

    Also, my all-time favorite you-tube video is bound to make you giggle:

  75. How funny are these stories. Can't wait to share Kristan's chicken crossing joke.

    Here's my contribution... I was teaching first grade and pregnant with my first. I had a day off work to go to a funeral. The next day one of the mothers was at my door in stitches. Her little one had said I was at the dentist to find out if baby was a boy or girl. Mum was a bit nonplussed by this and asked how the dentist would know. Kid says 'he 'll look right down when mrsS has to open wide"

    Thanks for the fun!

  76. Thanks for the giveaway try!

    When Mama doesn't get time to quilt, mama gets cranky.
    When mama gets cranky, mama gets obsessive.
    When mama gets obsessive, mama fanatically rearranges the house.
    When mama fanatically rearranges the house, papa can't find his car keys.
    When papa can't find his car keys, he is late for work and gets fired.
    When papa gets fired, he takes a new job enlisting the family in a Sound of Music travelling show touring Iceland.
    Don't end up in a Sound of Music show in Iceland, give Mama time to quilt.

    Jen L

  77. Anyone can roast beef, but no one can "pee" soup . . .

    Hugs! And thanks for the giveaway!

  78. So here is a joke that I hope makes you laugh.

    John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of
    me life, between the legs of me wife!"

    That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

    He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best
    toast of the night."

    She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"

    John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church
    beside me wife."

    "Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.

    The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street
    corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the
    other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."

    She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know,
    he's only been in there twice in the last four years. Once he fell
    asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him

    Hope your laughing
    renegadequilter at hotmail dot com

  79. The pig:
    For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free."
    Here's an update for you: 80% of woman are against marriage, why?
    Because women realize it is not worth buying the whole pig jut to get a little sausage.

    When I saw this it made me laugh even though I am happily married to my pig.

  80. sale signs seen: "grage sale" and "HUGE ASS SALE". To this day I still pronounce it "grage". (graj)

  81. Everytime I'm in my car, I listen to a mix cd. The one I usually listen to has a cover of "freefallin" by tom petty.
    I was singing to it loudly, so my face must have looked like I was in agony (luckily I was alone so no one could hear me!). Anyways, one of my friends passed me going the other way. The next day at school, he goes "lyss, are you ok? You looked like you were giving birth in the car yesterday!"

    Needless to say, I stop singing when I see an approaching car! Thanks for the AWESOME giveaway!

  82. Ivana
    imposible to be more funny than you, I giggle everytime when I pop into your blog.Thank you so much for it and for your give away as well!!!

  83. My daughter moved into a house that had been empty for 9 months. Upon moving in she saw a large spider. "Holy sh** look at that huge f****ng spider!" she shouted. In rushes my 5 year old grandson..."I wanna see the huge f****ng spider!"


    I have never posted anything from utube(so I hope it works, if not, I will email you the link)
    I am sure you have seen this one. But, if I ever need a good laugh, this is just about as funny and true to life that it gets, especially as we age. Enjoy the laugh

    Kris Cochran's friend

  85. I am the director of our local library and at our Board retreat last weekend our Secretary bought in a plate of pepperkakkor cookies to share. She then told a story about giving her neighbor a tin of pepperkakkor cookies for Christmas. Her neighbor is a library patron and just a sweet 88 year old woman with a little girl voice. Well, a couple of weeks ago this old lady stopped my Board member and asked her the name of the cookies she received at Christmas. When she was told it was pepperkakkor, she said "Shoot! I told Dolly it was called pepper-pecker..."!! Still makes me chuckle every time I think about it. Hehe :)


  86. When my daughters' friend was 3, maybe 4, years old she had three dresses and one pair of shoes that she WOULD wear. One Sunday morning her dad was trying to get her ready for church. She had on one of the approved dresses, which had matching shoes, however, they were not THE shoes. Unbeknownst to her dad he tried to get her to wear the matching shoes. After a while of him trying and her refusing she said, "These shoes can go to Hell!" She didn't match at church but she was happy :)

  87. I'm a high school PE teacher and on Friday one of my students wore a tshirt with a chicken and an egg on it, in bed together. The slogan underneath said "who came first?" I made him change his tshirt but I had a little giggle to myself afterwards!

  88. I seriously laughed out loud over all of these funny comments. I have a story a neighbor shared with me just yesterday.

    They were having a party and her son, a 7th grader, had spruced up his fort (used to be part of the play structure). His dad was really proud of all the work his son and done making this fort so cool so he decides to take his friends up to see what his son had done with the place. The father opened the covering to let everyone see how amazing the inside of the place was and in prominent view was a Victoria's Secret catalog and a jar of vasaline!!! LOL

    Thanks for the great giveaway!

  89. You Know you are a Quilter If:
    - There's more Fabric in the House than Food
    - "Fat Quarters" are not the heaviest part of your body
    - Your ironing board is always set up but you never iron
    - You think of your job as an interruption of your quilting
    - You pet Fabric
    - People are always picking threads off you



  90. I'm trying so hard to think of something funny...I swear I'm a funny person (maybe more on the dorky, goofy side). The only think I can think of right now is that my oldest son, who is now 8 1/2 used to call my bras...wait for it... Boobie Shells! Cracked me up.

  91. So, this will expose me for all my dorky-ness. I recently pinned a pillow you did and my husband was looking over my shoulder. He liked your pillow and read my caption wherein I may have mentioned that you have moves like Jagger... but with a rotary cutter and a sewing machine. Hold that in your brain for a minute.

    I work at an elementary/middle school and the first graders at the school did an assembly in which they danced to the "Moves like Jagger" song (words changed to be about polar regions). Of course, I had to come home and do a dramatic recreation of the dance.

    Now, put the two together. Whenever my husband sees something on my blog reader he likes, he asks if it is yours by dancing like the 1st graders and "singing" about Jagger and rotary cutters. There are chicken moves and pointing windmill arms.

    I feel as though I should apologize for creating this bizarre tribute to your craftiness, but it really is something to see.

  92. So a little story about my son...

    I fixed a pair of his underwear - the elastic needed to be sewn back in an area. Apparently I left a pin in by mistake and he put them on. He came running from his room screaming "your poking a hole in me, your poking a hole in me..."

    Too funny!

  93. Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

    He didn't have the guts!

    Five year olds can be so funny!!! Thanks for the great giveaway. And you are right, the pillow is bitchin' (isn't it nice to get something that you can't make yourself) and Penny is the shit!

    Love your style!

    Hugs & Stitches,

    PS - I am finding it funny that I can't read the dang "prove you're not a robot" words to publish this comment!!!!

  94. My partner Stuart asked our apartment renovator, Haviar (from Venezuela) if he wanted to get paid in cocaine, and Haviar just laughed. A few days later Haviar gets a brown parcel from Stuart for his weekly wages, filled with white powder (icing sugar), Haviar looked shocked, took some powder and rubbed it on his gums. We roared with laughter and there was huge relief showing on Haviar's face.
    I love your pillows and coasters your friend made you the colors and designs are modern and cheerful, I am quite jealous.
    I've made a cheerful orange and pink owl cover for my little $15 Tracfone SVC phone for seniors to hang around my neck in case of emergencies. What I really like about this phone is the large keys and letters on the screen so I don't strain my eyes and I only pay $7/month for service.
    Now my kids also want little fox and penguin covers for their cell phones.

  95. Many years ago when my now 28 year old daughter was in the car with me (I think she was nearly 3 at the time) - another driver swerved & nearly hit us, honking his horn at me & clearly swearing. My little darling turned to me from her carseat & said "Don't worry Mummy, I gave him the rude finger".

  96. Ok, something that happened years ago but always makes me laugh when I think of it. I used to be a preschool teacher and I think everyone knows that the perceptions of 4-5 year olds is NOT the same as ours. So, this little boy comes up to me, crying, with a very bloody finger and as I'm attending to him I said, "Oh no, what happened?" He replied, "I cut myself on the rabbit!"
    Of course, the rabbit bit him.
    True story!


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